If you watch the above video to the end, you’ll see an excellent example of the Law of Unintended Consequences. Now matter how much energy and effort we expend in planning something — be that a small-group discussion, a romantic evening, an important conversation, and so on — unexpected events are often lurking on the edges of those plans.
The ability to adapt and remain flexible is often just as important as the ability to make a great plan.
Holy smokes! The video above has eight solid minutes of J. I. Packer talking directly to Christian writers — or maybe I should say would-be Christian writers. People like me, in other words. I know eight-minute videos are a little long in today’s world, but this is worth your time.
Here’s my favorite part:
There are writers who think that simply by crisp, orthodox formulations of Bible truth and wisdom, without any searching application to the reader, they are fulfilling the full role of a Christian writer — and that nothing more is required of them. That I do not believe to be so. There are enough people around already who can verbalize orthodoxy on paper.
What we haven’t got is writers who can join truth and wisdom about God, from the Scriptures, with personal communication — that is, communication that hits the heart, that makes you realize this writer is a person talking to other persons. This writer is trying to search me in order to help me, and I must let him do it.
Oh, Lord, may this be so in me. Father God, may I and others serve You in this way to the benefit of Your kingdom.
My oldest son hates to lose. And “hates” really isn’t a strong enough word to convey his feelings whenever he comes in second place or worse. Losing is anathema to him. It’s the worse possible thing that could happen at any given moment.
Part of this has to do with my son’s personality — he’s hyper-competitive, which isn’t unusual for boys his age. But another part of his hatred for losing comes from the natural gifts he possesses. He’s talented. He’s gifted. He picks things up quickly. Therefore, he doesn’t lose often and he hasn’t gotten used to the idea.
As a responsible parent, I have been trying to teach my son that losing is okay. Not because I want him to lose or fail, nor because I think he should avoid giving his best. Nothing like that. I just know that he will lose from time to time. He can’t win it all. No matter how skilled or dedicated or lucky he may be, there will always be someone like this kid around who’s just a bit better:
Here’s the other thing I’ve realized as I continue to think about how to help my son: I don’t like losing, either. I am my son’s father, if that makes sense.
Sure, I’ve had a lot more practice at losing when it comes to competitive situations. I have the ability to handle things graciously and focus on just having fun and all that. But deep down, I’ve still got that competitive sinfulness that makes me think, “I can’t believe he published two books before he was 30 and I only published one!” Or, “How could they promote that person over me?”
I used the phrase “competitive sinfulness” in that last paragraph, and that sounds nicer than what I’m actually experiencing in such moments. It’s pride, pure and simple.
Hopefully I can teach more than just my son how to be better.
Lots of interesting doings are transpiring in the world of small groups these days. Here are some that I liked best.
First, Heather Zempel’s new book is out — Community Is Messy — which I do believe is a must-read for all people affiliated with community ministry simply because it was written by Heather. (My copy is on the way, so I’ll write more when I get to dig in.)
Tim Challies has an interesting post on sanctification as a community project. It’s good to see well-known blogs and websites continue to address small groups.
Speaking of popular blogs, Jon Acuff writes about Small Group Surprises.
I need to make Ed Stetzer references pretty regularly since I work at LifeWay, so here are 5 Marks for Transformational Small Groups.
Finally, Philip Nation offers seven shifts that need to happen for Bible study groups. (My favorite is “Reason.”)
Happy Tuesday! I hope you had some fun and relaxing experiences over the holiday weekend. Now that we’re all back in our normal routines, wouldn’t you like to win a copy of my book?
You’re in luck! Turns out there are two different blogs currently giving way copies of The Field Guide for Small Group Leaders. In both cases, all you need to do is visit the review of my book and leave a comment. Simple!
The first blog belongs to author-extraordinaire Margaret Feinberg. Actually, she’s giving away three copies of the book, which should make for pretty good odds. Here’s the link — and remember, just post a comment to enter.
Here’s a short excerpt from Margaret’s review:
The Field Guide for Small Group Leaders focuses in on the small group gathering as spiritual event. Useful to newly minted leaders and as a ready resource for small group experts, this go-to guide helps leaders prepare themselves to prepare their groups for the adventure of a collective encounter with a great God.
The second place you can win a free copy of my book is called Faith Village. This appears to be a new web community for Christ followers, and I’m looking forward to learning more about it. In the meantime, here’s the link for the contest.
And here’s an excerpt from the review, which was written by Blake Atwood:
Field Guide for Small Group Leaders is perfect for new small group leaders and beneficial for veteran leaders. O’Neal does a fantastic job in presenting a wide breadth of practical information in an accessible manner. He also provides advice regarding the “dark side” of small group leading, like what to do when a group member gets too emotional, or when conflict arises, or when a member keeps causing trouble in your group. Each chapter is easily digestible, but you’ll get the most out of the book if you study it with other small group leaders and begin incorporating its suggestions in your own small group.
Thank you Blake, and thank you Margaret!
Note: Here are some thoughts from author and small-group wonder Heather Zempel regarding her new book: Community Is Messy. I’ve appreciated Heather’s ministry for years, and I think this book is a must-read for anyone who cares about small-group ministry and its impact in the local church.
Why did you write Community is Messy?
Anyone who has led a small group for more than two weeks has discovered that mess happens. For those who serve as small group directors, discipleship pastors, and volunteers who champion group life in their churches, navigating mess is often the unlisted but most demanding part of their portfolio. I wrote Community is Messy to encourage those group leaders and group ministry leaders that mess may not be a hindrance to community but a catalyst to the cultivation of deeper community. My prayer is that leaders can embrace the mess and the promise that God can write his story of redemption through the mess.
You had an unorthodox path going from engineering to ministry. How does your background inform your understanding of community?
I have two degrees in environmental engineering—not a very traditional path into ministry. But small group leaders and environmental engineers have a lot in common. Both strive to engineer environments where growth happens. When I think about community, I picture treatment lagoons and pig farms. When I think about spiritual growth, I consider the differences between static friction and kinetic friction and remember the diversity of strengths in physical properties reflected in the modulus of elasticity. That’s all in the book.
You talk in the book about valuing people over programs. Why is this important?
In the church, we tend to invest lots of time, energy, and resources into developing and maintain programs. I think we do that because programs are easy to measure. The problem is that people aren’t discipled by programs. They are discipled by relationship. I would much rather pastor people than manage programs, but that takes focus and regular examination of priorities.
What’s a story of mess from your own life that reveals God’s redemptive work?
There’s always mess in my life, and I think it gets especially messy when we wear multiple hats with people—pastor, mentor, leader, boss, friend, etc. Here’s one that happened just a couple months ago. I was talking to a young leader about her calling, and I sincerely thought I was building her up with encouragement. When I came to the end of everything I knew to affirm her, I said, “I don’t know what else to say.” She responded with a look that seemed to be a mix of anger and hurt and said, “You’ve said enough.” At that moment, I didn’t know whether to jump across the table to strangle her or to hug her. Everything in me wanted to strangle her, but the little pastoral instinct I possess informed me that the words I had intended for good had been received negatively. That situation led to a number of productive conversations about how I lead, how she grows, how I grow, and where God is at work polishing off the rough spots in both of us. Many times, messes that are navigated with prayer, honesty, and a commitment to honoring the other lead to growth on all sides.
You can purchase your own copy of Community is Messy here: amzn.to/Ok9xtI
I recently had the pleasure of listing to the audio version of The Grapes of Wrath, written by John Steinbeck. It’s a powerful work of literature, both in terms of story and prose. Steinbeck was a master of description, and probably my favorite evidence of this from the book was an early scene in which he described rich men and women driving on new highways in new cars while the rest of the world collapsed around them.
I’ll give my thoughts on why this passage is great tomorrow, but I’d like to hear from you as well. As you read the following paragraphs, keep an eye out for anything that catches your attention — words, phrases, images, ideas. Let us know what you love (or hate) about this example of great writing.
The big cars on the highway. Languid, heat-rattled ladies, small nucleuses about whom rotate a thousand accouterments: creams, ointments to grease themselves, coloring matter in phials — black, pink, red, white, green, silver — to change the color of hair, eyes, lips, nails, brows, lashes, lids. Oils, seeds, and pills to make the bowels move. A bag of bottles, syringes, pills, powders, fluids, jellies to make their sexual intercourse safe, odorless, and unproductive. And this apart from clothes. What a hell of nuisance!
Lines of weariness around the eyes, lines of discontent down form the corners of the mouth, breasts lying heavily in little hammocks, stomach and thighs straining against cases of rubber. And the mouths panting, the eyes sullen, disliking sun and wind and earth, resenting food and weariness, hating time that rarely makes them beautiful and always makes them old.
Beside them, little pot-bellied men in light suits and panama hats; clean, pink men with puzzled, worried eyes, with restless eyes. Worried because formulas do not work out; hungry for security and yet sensing its disappearance from the earth. In their lapels the insignia of lodges and service clubs, places they can go and, by a weight of numbers of little worried men, reassure themselves that business is noble and not the curious, ritualized thievery they know it is; that business men are intelligent in spite of the records of their stupidity; that they are kind and charitable in spite of the principles of sound business; that their lives are rich instead of the thin tiresome routines they know; and that a time is coming when they will not be afraid any more.
Ouch! Keep in mind these words were first published in 1939. They still hold a terrible kind of truth today, and that is a sure mark of great writing.
